Finding Gratitude And Expectant Joy Through Pregnancy, Grace's Story

Written by Grace Wallace (Mother) | Photographed by Mariah Williams

Zach and I wanted and prayed for a baby for a little over two years before we found out I was pregnant with Llewyn. We had celebrated the births of nephews and nieces and the babies of friends, while feeling the sting of desire for our own child. We (along with an army of prayer warriors) asked God to fulfill that desire, knowing that He might say no. But on October 11, 2019 I took a positive pregnancy test! My whole pregnancy was steeped in gratitude and expectant joy, and every day meant we were one day closer to being parents.

As his little body grew and developed, God was shaping me into a mother - and Zach, a father. In my own heart, I felt the Holy Spirit kindly convicting me of my sin of pride and selfishness. He lovingly directed my eyes toward Christ when I sought control or turned to anxious thoughts.

Being pregnant during a global pandemic meant grieving the idea I had in mind for my last trimester and postpartum life. Instead of living it up with my girlfriends by the pool and enjoying my last weeks of “freedom” I was sheltering in place at home and connecting with friends over FaceTime. I had imagined a huge gathering at the hospital with both our families after Llewyn was born and a revolving door of visitors, but our reality ended up centering around Covid guidelines and wearing masks. It was tempting to throw myself a pity party, (and still is, sometimes!) but the Lord comforted me with His word and through other believers. They helped me turn from my anxious thoughts to God’s perfect providence.

For Zach, I’ve loved being able to see him in his role of being a Dad. He’s experienced so much growth over the past year between his pastoral residency at our church, seminary, and elder development, but for me, fatherhood has been especially beautiful.

I’ve seen him as an uncle - getting glimpses of parenthood by engaging and play with his nieces and nephews. He was always the first to say that he wasn’t a huge fan of the newborn stage, but when he he held our son for the first time...something ignited in his eyes. Love was bursting out of him. From burping, to laundry, to diaper changes he hasn’t stopped showering Llewyn with tender care…In many ways, moments like these have ministered to my heart - clearly showing me that the love Zach has for our son… is a reflection of the love our Heavenly Father has for us.

The last few weeks before Llewyn was born were especially sweet since I was off work and able to spend more intentional quality time with Zach. I didn’t want to wish away our last days alone, so we took time to connect and laugh (and watch our last uninterrupted movies for a long time!). It was really important to us to be a well connected team going into parenthood, and it’s made our life with Llewyn that much sweeter.

Up until Llewyn was in my arms it all seemed like a dream, but life with him has been even better than that dream. Motherhood so far has been the most humbling, awe-inspiring, messy, delightful journey!